Christmas 2013

This year was our first Christmas where Liam is old enough to give a poo about Christmas. Ricky was very excited about playing Santa (it was adorable) and he did an excellent job, I think.

Liam had a wonderful day. Ricky's mom is here visiting, and since her flight arrived on Christmas evening, we pushed Christmas to the 26th so that she could share in everything.
Watching Liam's eyes light up was precious.

I cried.

Of course.

This last one is adorable, but I'll be honest, he's totally pooping.

x2

Back in August, Ricky and I found out that we're having another baby! We're having a little girl, she's due April 2nd.

Two weeks before Liam turns two.

Two years old. I can't believe it.

I mean, I can, I've been here this whole time watching him get HUGE...but still.

He's so very, very different from that tiny little baby we held in the hospital.

Are you kidding me with that face?

(No, that isn't rosacea, it's lipstick, oops.)

I'm excited and terrified about being a stay at home mother to two beasts babies.

More terrified.

Oh yeah, I'm a stay at home mother now. It is...different. I love it, I love being around that super cool little man pictured above all the time, but it's a strange feeling, not going to work every day. 

(Don't even say that being a mom is a job because it isn't and that is stupid.)

We are moving Liam to a new toddler bedroom soon. We're going with a Montessori style, where everything is accessible to him, including his bed. The bed will be a challenge, he can get in and out freely, but I think it will pay off. Autonomy is so important for even the littlest of people!

Big changes coming! Big changes!

"GOOD" Moms

According to this lovely handmade sign, I'm not a "good" mother.

My floors are clean. My laundry is done (in detergent that I made myself and with homemade fabric softener.) My kitchen is tidy.

I'd go so far as to say that these things are always true.
Why? Because having a neat and clean home is important to me.

Before anyone has a conniption fit, let me say that I'm in no way implying that if your home is unkempt, or if you let laundry pile up, or if you have NEVER cleaned your oven, that you aren't a good mother. Parent. Guardian. Whatever.

What I am saying is that I think it is absolutely absurd to try to make yourself feel better about a lifestyle that you needn't even be ashamed of at the expense of someone else, and that is the way I take this sign.

Good moms have clean homes.

Good moms have messy homes.

Good moms fold towels.

Good moms have piles for clean and piles for dirty.

I've heard it implied in other ways. For example: A very fit mother of three has a picture of herself, showing off her killer physique, and people say things like, "Well, I don't look that way because I actually spend TIME with my children."

"Yeah, I bet she has a nanny raising those kids."

I also enjoy such statements as, "I'm too busy playing with my kid to worry about cleaning house."

No.

No no no no.

You don't look that way, or clean your home, or fold the damn towels for the simple fact that it isn't a priority for you.

And that is okay.

And the opposite is okay.

Why is there such a need for validation? And why does it always seem to come at a very catty cost?

Can we please, while we're on the subject, stop lumping "mothering" and "housekeeping" into the same category, by the way?

Being a mother is important, as is keeping your home clean. You can do one or both of these things.

And that is okay.

I play with my son. We do arts and crafts and go to the park and the zoo and the aquarium and we play with toys that make sounds that make me want to have a seizure. I involve him in making cookies and snacks. I take him outside every day that the weather allows. We play for a wee bit too long in the bath tub.

And my floors aren't sticky. And my kitchen is clean. And my laundry is done.

I make the the time to do these things, because they're important to me.

And that is okay.

And maybe they aren't to everyone. 

And that is okay.

Being a good mother makes you a good mother. That's it.

My boy, I promise

To always push you on the swings, even if my arms get tired.

To always kiss you goodnight, even if you're already asleep.

To teach you how to ride a bike.

To let you choose your own outfits, even if they look ridiculous.

To never hurt your feelings on purpose, and to always say I'm sorry if I do.

To dance with you.

To always find time to play.

To read Goodnight Moon 37 times in a row.

To always give you good, healthy foods to eat.

To never make you feel alone or neglected.

To take you to the park.

To brush your teeth even though you hate it.

To let you watch Elmo's World even though I hate it!

To never, ever make you feel like I don't love you.

To always hold your hand when you stick it up and go "Ah!"

To help you learn whenever and wherever I can.

To let you make messes.

To let you splash me at bathtime.

To show you how much I love you every day.

♥

Looks like we made it

Without killing anyone, without being suffocated by the cat, without mom having a nervous breakdown, and without anything burning to the ground.

This year flew by. Everyone said it would.

They were right. About that at least.

They also said I'd never get any sleep, that housework could wait, that I'd stop baking and doing all the silly things I like to do (birds and crowns and things and bees!)

They were wrong about that.

Life has changed, considerably. But most of it is the same.

I have changed, my day to day life has not. Maybe I won the baby lottery, maybe I'm an idiot savant at parenting, maybe Liam is biding his time and plotting something dark and sinister.... whatever it is, oh my god ricky if you read this please know how much i detest this new keyboard holy mother of jesus

I'll take it. Since 8 weeks Liam has been sleeping through the night, eating on a schedule, napping on a schedule... I hate to sound like an asshole, but this is kind of cake. (Yes, I know that it won't always be this way. Yes, I get that I have no idea what 2-3 will be like.)

Sure we have bad days. Sometimes I'm just not going to get the dishes done without him trying to climb into the dishwasher.

Sometimes I will not, under any circumstances, make it all the way through Target without forgetting half of what I needed because Liam is being a fussymcstinkypoopypantsmcgee.

Sometimes the dogs are going to try to kill him.

 Sometimes he'll get pink eye, because babies are disgusting.

 Sometimes this will happen.

 Yeah.... let's just talk about how banning a ONE year old will do any good, and how he's supposed to somehow learn something from this whole ordeal...being... one. year. old.

Whatever. 

But for the vast, vaaaaast majority, things are super fun, easy, and much like life as usual, just with a tiny awesome human along for the ride.

We go to the lake

 The beach

We go to our regular Dr. appointments

We eat at fancy restaurants in New Orleans...

Liam quite enjoys the pizza crusts and lamb ravioli with spring onions and parsnip puree at Domenica

We eat breakfast together every morning

We go spelunking

And we enjoy the shit out of some bath time

For real.
We have visits with Oma!

 And we run 5Ks!

I'm so excited about every new day with him. He changes so much, so very quickly. It gets overwhelming trying to take it all in sometimes. But worth it.

 9 months!

 10 months!!

 11 months!!! Stop!

Back in April, turning 1 like a cupcake-eating champ.

I can't believe it.

9 months old.

No picture yet, I have it but haven't edited it. Lazy.
Liam is 9 months old. He has five teeth. He can sit up on his own. He can pull himself up to standing in his crib. He babbles all the time. It makes me so happy and it breaks my heart.
I have always wanted to be a mother. More than anything. I had gotten so afraid that I couldn't have a baby. I can't put into words how I felt when I found out I was pregnant. How full of joy and happiness I was throughout my pregnancy.
How absolutely terrified I was at all of my high risk prenatal appointments. And how my heart nearly stopped when they told me that my tumor had to come out and so did he, 6 weeks early.
But everything was perfect. I held my 4lb 11 oz, perfect, healthy little boy 12 hours after they cut him out of me.
He has grown so fast. I know that's how all mothers feel... But wow.
Where is my tiny boy? His tiny cry is gone. His toothless smile...gone. Forever. The days where I can pick him up, hold him to my chest and dance with him to soothe him... Those are fleeting too.
Of course I'm going to enjoy every minute. Try not to be consumed with the future and what it will inevitably bring.
I feel like I blinked, and it was all gone. Nearly a year.
Then 2.
Then 5.
Then 10.
Then 16.
Aaaack!
I don't mean for this to sound negative. Every single day I hold him and well up with tears just thinking about how much I love this little person. I had no idea it was possible to feel so full of love and compassion that you feel like your heart will rip open.
It's nice.
And now he's trying to eat paper. That's Mom's cue.

Traveling!

We're on vacation.

We left on the 9th, flew from Florida to Dallas, then from Dallas to Albuquerque.

I was a nervous wreck, thinking that my baby would single handedly ruin a plane ride for all passengers on board.

Why? Why would I think that my son would do this? He's such a nice, calm baby.

I thought this because I'm a "worst-caser", that's why.

It helps me through lots of situations, I'm generally very prepared.

Liam was amazing.

Yams the wunderkind!

Aside from one serious diaper blowout that resulted in a change of clothes and wrapping his dirty diaper in a clean diaper, leaving me with one diaper for the next flight (JESUS.), everything went swimmingly.

We fed him during take off on both flights, to help keep his ears from popping, and he fell asleep shortly after and slept for the majority of the ride. Beginner's luck, I'm sure. 

So far so good. When we get home I'll write a post with more information on flying with bebe. 

We're here in New Mexico until Monday, then it's on to Nevada to see my dad for a few days, then on to Washington!

Okay, so he's almost 9 months old, but it takes me forever to get these pictures uploaded.

8. Freaking. Months. Old. 

He's more months old now than I was pregnant with him. Where does the time go? 

It goes into feeding, napping, changing, strolling, learning, playing, teething, rolling over, crawling, standing, babbling... 

So many things, such little time, yet it seems like yesterday that he was just a tiny 5 lb thing. I have to think really hard to remember how small and light he felt. How helpless his tiny cry sounded. 

Liam can now stand (assisted, of course) and crawl (backwards). He shows no interest in crawling forward. He gets to where he needs to go. Rolling and scooting. Pretty funny. He has excellent hand/eye coordination. Today he exclaimed, "Yah-Dah!" to myself, Ricky, and his Oma, Deb. He seems so big. He IS so big. Who is this toothed little human that has taken the place of my teeny tiny bundle of baby in a preemie sized onesie?

I miss teeny Yam, but I love getting to know him as he grows. He's the most wonderful thing I've ever seen. He makes me so happy and so nervous! I hope I'm doing this right, I think about that all the time. 

He eats solid foods now. Solid-ish. Favorites include: oatmeal cereal (rice cereal has been deemed yucky), apples, pears, bananas, avocados, turkey, beets, sweet potatoes, butternut squash, and plums. He also like quinoa, plums, and carrots.

The only things I've made so far that did not make the cut were plantains, paw-paws, and kale. 

Don't try to feed a baby kale. 

Letter to Sprout

7 months old!

It took me a while to edit and upload this picture, you keep me pretty busy.

You can't see them in this picture, but you have two teeth now, your bottom front two. They don't seem to bother you all that much, nor did they seem to when they were growing in. You're a trooper.

You always want to be sitting up now, and you crawl backwards or roll to get to where you want to go. No forward crawling yet, but we can tell that you're close. You amaze me and your father all the time.

Everything goes in your mouth. One of your favorite activities is ripping pages out of magazines and trying to eat them. We laugh at you. And don't let you ingest them.

You babble an awful lot. Mostly just "ahbuh!" It's pretty cute.

In two more weeks you'll be an 8 month old, I can't believe it. You get more and more amazing every day, and you're such a sweet, smiley, happy little boy. 

I love you Sprout.

This little boy

 Never in my life have I felt this much love, compassion, joy, and fear all at the same time. This one, tiny person fills my whole life up with light. I count down the hours at work until I can pick him up and cuddle and kiss him. I love watching him sleep, play, eat, babble, roll around on the floor... everything. He's amazing and hilarious and beautiful.

I find myself getting very anxious about his life. I feel like I can't mess up (though I know I will and it's going to be totally fine) or else he'll hate me or not reach his full potential. The feeling of personal responsibility is almost overwhelming. I'm sure this is a part of being a new (maybe not even new?) parent. 

I want to do as right by him as I possibly can. I want to make sure that he always knows how much his father and I love him and support him, and that he is never, ever alone. Even when we can't be there for him. And those times will come, I know.

He's already so big. He has a tooth!

A tooth? A TOOTH?! Are you serious? I cried, it's the end of the "giant toothless grin" phase. I wish I could slow down time, or go back and relive days that I already miss so much. Where is my 4 lb 8 oz newborn? When did he become a sitting up, tooth-growing, assisted standing, puree-eating, 2x a day pooping, bath time loving, ma-ga-ba-da babbling little dude?

I look forward to it, really, I do. I look forward to teaching him about the world. About nature, and science, and great men and women, and the stars... I can't wait to watch him explore, find treasures, and climb trees. I can't wait to answer his questions, or have us find the answer together. I can't wait until he really understands what I'm reading to him, and for him to read me the same little book 30 times over because I really will sit and listen to it that many times. 

Time flies by, and I'm so thankful every day that I have such a beautiful, sweet little life in my care.

Too fast

Five months already?!

Six?!

I have no idea where the time is going. Liam is so big already. On September the 26th he started rolling from his back to his stomach, but he couldn't get back over to his back. Just today he started rolling the other way, he's so proud of himself. It's pretty awesomely adorable.

I started feeding him purees at right around his 5 month mark. I started with fruits and vegetables, not rice cereal, as he still has formula for iron and whatnot. I make all of his food in the Beaba, using organic fruits and veggies. So far his favorites are apple, carrot, and parsnip mix, beets, yogurt, and peas. He likes apples by themselves or with other things. He also loves butternut squash, to which I add vanilla bean and cinnamon. I like to add spices to what he eats, I think it's important to help expand that little pallet now, lest I have one of those children who only wants macaroni and cheese. I add cardamom, cinnamon, garam masala, vanilla bean, fresh ginger, mint, and lemon juice, to name a few. So far no yucks.
I'm also switching him over to glass bottles, after I read that studies show even BPA-free plastic can still leach toxic chemicals. Oh joy.
Yeah yeah, I know that when I was a baby I probably had a plastic bottle, and I don't have three heads. I also know that this information wasn't around then, and seeing as how it is now, I simply cannot in good conscience choose something that could harm my son, whether I think it will or not.
Make sense? Good.
Making his food is one of my favorite things.
Nobody get on my case about the strawberries, he isn't allergic.

 

Prep!

     Happy Liam!
On October the 8th, he started daycare. Our nanny is moving away, sadly. We will miss Kelly, she was fantastic with Liam and he loves her very much. We were so fortunate to have had her for 5 months. He's doing great at his daycare, everyone loves him and thinks he's as sweet as can be (because, duh, he is). I went back to Starbucks (1 minute from his daycare at St. Anne), as the drive from the Vet to his daycare every day would have been terrible. Nearly 2 hours a day of driving, in rush hour both times. No thank you. Funny how he decides most things in my life now. ;)

 

 Another recent development in the rearing of the Yams is cloth diapering. I knew I wanted to do it, I just had to wait until his teeny baby booty was big enough to fill one out. Poor Yammer has no backside. Back->legs. Nothing in between. I decided (after entirely too much internet research and phone-a-friends) on the bumGenius Elemental cloth diaper. Organic cotton, adjustable sizing, snap closure, all-in-one design. I love them so far. I still need to burn through the rest of our disposables, and I'm not sure if I'll send him with cloth to daycare, but we'll definitely be doing it at home full time. I love them, and they're so soft that I imagine he's a fan too. Though there isn't much he doesn't care for.

Naps. He fucking hates naps.

  

This too, is new. He can't pull himself up yet, but he loves to stand (assisted by either a hand or a sturdy object). He gets so excited! He giggles and smiles and it just melts my heart. Where does the time go? I remember when he weighed less than 5 pounds and I was afraid to break him! Now I toss him in the air and he laughs and laughs...my little baby is growing up and it breaks my heart and then fills it up with a joy that I could never have imagined. Such an indescribable feeling.

I have lots more to write and photos to share, but tonight is about done for me. I'm an old lady.

I have a hard time being a good little blogger, mostly because I'm busy being a badass mommy.

;)

Thoughts

It's a hard thing, constantly wondering if you're making the right choices. Liam's nanny is moving in about a month, so today I went out and found a daycare. I'm really happy with it, the people all seem great and the facility came highly recommended...it's still tough. I've never second guessed myself as much as I do now as a mother. I love working, it makes me happy. Liam makes me happy too, but it's different. I don't feel that I have to give up everything about myself as an individual just to be a good mother. I'm sure there are people who agree with that statement and those that do not. It's everything though. is this the right sort of toy? Is this the right sort of formula? Is it really okay to pass on the rice cereal for now and just go straight to fruit and vegetable purée? Is it really a good idea to make my own baby food? Does he need this or that?

It's mind-numbing. He's my son. I'm his mother. I know that I'll do what is right, but for some reason it's hard to trust myself.
I know that he'll develop just fine in his own time. I don't care to hear about timelines or percentiles or charts... He's a human being. At some point when he's good and ready, he'll roll over, know what I mean?

Today was stressy.
On a better note, I bought Yams a Hobbes.

How did this happen?

I don't know when you turned into a 4 month old (yes I do, it was yesterday) but it's weird...

He's so big! To me, at least. He's sitting up, putting things in his mouth, and making weirder and louder noises every day. His favorite words are "Agerrrrsch" and "Huhuhuhu."

I'm pretty sure anyway.

He's amazing. He eats at 8,12,4, and 8, and those are 8 oz bottles. He gets snacks in between, usually 2 oz, if he gets hungry. He goes to bed right after his last bottle, right around 8:15, and sleeps through the night until at least 7 am. He's been on that schedule for almost 8 weeks now. He's incredible.

Mind you, that schedule wasn't his doing, it was mine, but it wasn't hard. Took maybe...2 days? 3?

That's it. He seems to understand bed time. Right before his last bottle I change his diaper and put on pajamas (anything with feet, no blankets in the crib and we don't want a chilly baby) and cradle him for his bottle. I sing him a song, usually "Vincent" by Don McLean or "Wonderful Tonight" but Eric Clapton, and then go lay him down. I kiss him goodnight, then turn out the light and walk out. Easy as pie.

He's napping less and less during the day lately too, which makes for some fussy moments but for a good night's rest.

I love this little man so much.

"you're gonna need a bigger bag."

 As much as I love the styling of my PPB Touring Totes... I was running out of room. Not on my quick jaunts to the store or around town, but if I was going to be gone for more than a couple of hours, I found myself running out of precious diaper bag space. Liam's bottles are bigger now, and take up more space. So are his diapers. Not only that, but I didn't have the room to carry my things as well, so often it was necessary to bring my own purse.

So I got another one.

 I'd heard rave reviews on the Cake by Petunia Cosmopolitan Carryall, but couldn't justify the steep price tag. $349 for a diaper bag?
So when I saw my favorite (and now no longer on the PPB website) Cake pattern, Juniper Berry Crumb Cake, at Poshtots, I was a little intrigued. They had the Cosmo Carryall on sale for $260, which is less than I paid for Ricky's Rucksack.

I decided that it was worth it, and if it didn't work out I could always return it.

This bag is amazing. It's thin, but opens up at the top like a doctor bag and fits everything.

 From top to bottom:

1 8-oz bottle

Diaper area cream

Keys

Wipes 

Pacifier wipes

2 onesies

My wallet

My makeup bag

5 diapers

Johnson's baby face wipes

Another 8 oz bottle

-in the side pocket I had a pacifier, in the other side pocket I had my cell phone and lip balm.

It all packs up quite nicely. The changing pad is in a zippered compartment on the bottom of the bag, freeing up even more space inside than if you had to keep it in the bag.

I'm quite pleased.