Today I met with my oncologist in Pensacola. Given that the tumor on my ovary is growing, they wanted to see if it needed to come out. Like as soon as possible.
He told me that he's worried because of the rate at which it's growing. He's worried that, "from a cancer standpoint" as he put it, waiting 2 months might be pushing it. He wants to take it out soon.
As in, 4 weeks from Monday soon.
Which also means that Sprout will be coming out then, too. I'll be having a caesarian section immediately followed by the mass removal. Two birds, one epidural.
His birthday will be April 23.
I am having a baby on April 23. He'll be premature, which sucks a little, and they estimate that he'll weigh about 5 pounds.
Crazy.
Dr. Decesar (my oncologist) told me that if he can save any of my ovary he will. He also said that it is growing at a rate that suggests cancer. If he gets in there and the growth is more complex than he thought, and cutting it off would pose a threat, then he'll take my whole ovary. And my uterus. And my cervix.
I'll go into menopause almost immediately.
Thankfully because of my age, I might be able to just take something like a birth control pill to get the hormones I need. I don't even want to think about that part yet. I just want Sprout to come out healthy.
In three weeks I have to go get some steroid shots to make sure his lungs are developed enough when he's born.
I don't really know how I feel about all of this. I was really kind of hoping against hope that I'd carry to 40ish weeks and everything would be okay. I was hoping that the tumor would stop growing and we could deal with it later. I was hoping that nobody would use the word "cancer." I was hoping for a vaginal birth.
We can't always get what we want, I suppose.
I've alternated between crying and feeling like I'm dreaming.
4 weeks. I'll have a son in 4 weeks.
I might have a hysterectomy in 4 weeks.
I might be menopausal in 4 weeks.
In 4 weeks they'll take my son and put him in a NICU.
I feel like my body can't do anything right. I feel like it betrayed me, even though I know that sounds crazy. I'm lucky that this pregnancy has been so good to me, and that he is healthy so far.
I wish Ricky were here. He's on a TDY and won't be home until the weekend. Probably for the best, I've been known to get grouchy when I'm stressed.
Although I'm sure he wouldn't mind
Although I'm sure he wouldn't mind
3 comments:
Oh, doll. My thoughts and prayers and love are with you. Amazing you! And Sprout, who already is an amazing little guy and will doubtlessly come out a fighter. It there is anything we can offer, let us know.
XOXO Kristin
Babies are resilient and such amazing little things. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope everything goes smoothly and that your health battles get a little easier after all of this. You are amazing, just know that.
I wish I could be there to hug you, or listen to Pink Floyd with you in the quiet, at least. Your body absolutely did do something right by growing that little boy for you <3 We miss you Nissa and can't wait to see pictures of you and your new little love, he will be perfect!
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